Priorities and New Realities

It’s been almost a year since my last blog. Life is becoming more and more hectic in Armenia. I remember when we first arrived here to settle, almost 12 years ago; scarce cars on the streets, few supermarkets, less restaurants, more street sellers, more historical buildings… less sarcasm, more belief in the future. Today, so many cars everywhere, it is almost impossible sometimes to beat the traffic. Politically and socio-economically things are not getting better; people are leaving the country in search of a better life. Those who stay, try different ways to survive or counter the harsh reality of the lack of democracy, absence of rule of law and high corruption.

It's my park, keep it clean!

We woke up very early, as usual and after sending the older kids to school and cuddling for a while with baba, Yeprad, my 2-year-old and I went out for our regular walk down Baghramyan street towards our favorite park. After greeting every single dog, cat and bird, on our way and waving to the "babik" on his horse (Marshal Baghramyan) at the corner of Proshyan and mimicking the police car sound effect, we finally entered Lover’s Park. I was following my little guy quietly, enjoying the peaceful morning when we approached one of the benches. Suddenly, Yeprad got upset, changing the tone of his voice, pointing with his finger  to something on the floor and calling it: "amot, amot, badij!"(shame, shame on you, punish) - Finally I realized that he was pointing at chocolate wrapper on the floor near the bench and was angry at the people who might have thrown it on the ground, dirtying "his" park. We usually teach him not to throw waste on the floor and keep nature clean. His babysitter had also taught him the word "amot", unfortunately, so he uses it whenever something bothers him or make him angry:) 

Dance classes that break your children's self-esteem

One of the things that i really like of life in Armenia is the multiple dance, music and art classes offered to children after school. Some art schools, like Igityan cultural center, have a long experience of teaching children dance and most of the children growing up in Yerevan specifically go to one of these schools to learn Armenian folkloric dance, ballet, latino and other styles.

Parents (mostly mothers and grand-mothers) religiously take their kids after school to those classes who are situated in different parts of the city and wait for them (for an hour or two twice a week in cold and dark waiting areas) to finish and escort them back home. Learning to dance is important to develop children's mind and body. They learn rhythm, music and coordination and move all the time instead of sitting in front of the TV for hours.

I used to take my 3 kids as well to these classes myself before i started working long hours and then Diguine Anna, our patient babysitter continued to take over this task. I also remember how i used to sit for a whole hour or two in these cold entrances, talking with other mothers, reading or writing and being happy that my kids also are benefitting from this opportunity. Dance classes for children in Canada are limited and not as affordable as in Armenia.

I always thought that these classes were an important tool to develop most importantly children's self-esteem and give them more confidence in their abilities. But i realized recently that I was wrong! Some of the very much known dance schools were doing in reality the complete opposite. A while ago, my daughters started complaining, not wanting to go to dance classes anymore. Then they started saying that the teacher is very mean and saying things she shouldn't say like "look how you are dancing, you are tmbo or what?" to one of their friends. Amassia complained that the school director was always saying to the girls (7-12yr olds) "stop eating too much, you are getting fat, how are you going to dance on stage...". The funny thing is that the school they go to "Sofi Devoyan Dance school" also sells cheap junk food(Sofi chocolate, Sofi cotton candy,Sofi popcorn, ...) in the school waiting area for these same kids. This already gives you an idea that this school's top priority is to make money, the rest is not as important it seems. Teachers don't know how to talk to kids and even though my husband and I complained many times, they didn't do anything since they have lots of students and business is good!

I discussed this with local Armenian girls, who used also to go to these kind of classes in their childhood and some of them, told me as well how bad some of the teachers used to treat them, giving them lots of complexes that they still carry until now.

Amassia and Varanta stopped going to dance classes a week ago. We will search again for a better dance school with well educated and prepared teachers and a caring administration. Vayk loves the Igityan school and until now we didn't have any complaints, but still monitoring.

So this is to tell you to be more attentive as parents and follow closely these kind of classes, in Armenia or elsewhere some teachers could break your child self-esteem(especially for girls, we have enough body image problems in society among adolescent girls, we need to be more careful) with their ignorance and negative attitudes and this is not at all acceptable.

So for now, on my bad list (regarding self-esteem development in children and absence of pedagogical approach) is:

Sofi Devoyan Dance School

Any other schools that you could recommend? would love to hear from your experiences as parents or dancers.

Talk to me, I am here for you

I thought for a long time before writing something on this issue. Then I said to myself children are important, they should be top priority everywhere, including Armenia, since they are the most vulnerable and an easy target for sexual abuse.

For every parent raising a kid in Canada or the US, this subject is a very scary one. TV, schools, radio, newspapers, public ads constantly remind them to be careful of predators, abductors and pedophiles everywhere in school, on the streets, in the parks and at home.

In Armenia, it is still a major taboo to speak about violence in general let alone sexual violence and even more against children. Only during these past few months, I have personally read 3 articles in different on-line Armenian journals (for the first time) about sexual assault against children: the first incident was in Yerevan where a group of men raped a little girl of 8yrs old in one of the parks, the other in a region where a young boy of 5 was sexually abused by his neighbors and family friend and one in a village where a small boy was raped by 3 teenagers in school.

Before that there was the case of sexual abuse in Nubarashen boarding school raised by the activist Mariam Sukhudyan which awakened the whole society on this issue and slowly former students of these schools came forward and started opening up about the past and the ongoing abuses in these schools.

When you go to different meetings and talk with professionals working in the field of child protection in Armenia you always hear horror stories about the reality of sexual abuse of children in families and outside as well. But rarely will people raise the issue publicly. Why? Fear, Shame or maybe the lack of procedure and intervention mechanisms.

One thing is sure, this silence is not protecting our children. It is hard, it is scary and horrifying, but people should be aware that it EXISTS as well in Armenia and not talking about it will not make it go away. The hard part is that since nobody talks (and the ones who speak out are made to feel guilty), everyone thinks that it is not an issue here, so parents are more relaxed, trusting everyone even strangers with their children. This lack of awareness could lead us more into trouble and making our children, the perfect victims: available, free and unaware!

When I use to volunteer in the regions of Armenia, I always found it odd that young children were accompanying us everywhere without sometimes even the knowledge of their parents. Later, when I moved in a big residential building in Yerevan, I noticed young girls(and by young I mean 5-6yrs old) playing very late at night in the backyards without any supervision, where it was very easy to find all kind of people.

I know this is a harsh issue and that we sometimes fear that by protecting the children we are robbing of their innocence and childhood. But I also remember the face of that small boy who came to our crisis center after an abuse and I thought if only we taught our children to speak to us more, teach them about the importance of keeping their body and their person safe.

That night, I sat with my kids in my bed and I started talking and asking questions: how was school, if there were any problems, if something was bothering them? Then we talked about our bodies, how it is sacred and belonged to us and only we(each individual) are allowed to touch it. We even practiced shouting out loud as a mechanism to alert others of a dangerous situation they encounter.

It is hard to think of all this. Sometimes I lose sleep over it. Sometimes I overdo it, but the important thing is that we can make a difference by empowering our children and encouraging them to trust their own instincts instead of shutting it down.

Nobody wants to raise victims, so let’s give our children the necessary tools to stay safe inside and outside home.

Because education at Waldorf school is more than a simple 1+1=2

You could learn a lot on the Waldorf education just by visiting one of the parents-teacher meetings.

Usually the meeting starts at 6pm and is conducted in your child’s classroom. You are allowed to bring your kids if you have nowhere to leave them and they could play in a small room on the same floor.

The teacher, in our case Baron(Mr) Arsen greets the parents with a smile and starts by introducing the topics for the meeting. At first he introduces where the program is at, what are the things that they are learning for the semester and shows some examples on the blackboard. He then introduces the program for the following semester by explaining in details why these topics are chosen and how it corresponds with the evolution, age and rhythm of the children. So by the end of this part you get to have a small lesson in pedagogy on the how and when of the functioning of the child mind and body and how each element of program done in the classroom has its own place in developing the child’s overall growth.

celebrating drntez at the school and students dancing with teachers under the wild rythms of the dhol

Then the second part starts where parents ask questions, voice their concerns on specific matters and look through teaching materials.

Now the last part is my favorite, I call it “ideas and tips for a better education”. This is when Mr. Arsen presents a specific topic related to education to give parents concrete tools on how to help out their children at home to become fully developed human beings. Some past discussions were: nutrition (what to feed your child depending on his character Active VS Passive), How TV affects children, choice of toys/craft materials, how to encourage reading, etc.

This week he gave us 7 keys for raising happy children – which he had heard of during one of his trainings/seminar from an invited guest teacher from Norway. We discussed each one of them and tried to see through our way of life.  

Here are the 7 elements needed for a successful education (followed at the Waldorf school):

1-    1- Developing self-esteem / feeling of being capable among children- something we often forget to do.

2-    2- Faith in the world surrounding us

3-    3- Joy of life – here we discussed how it was important to express happiness as parents as well to teach through our example, which some parents argued that was difficult to do since every day life was not always a happy thing in Armenia.

4-    4- Curiosity – and encouraging it instead of stopping or saying no all the time.

5-    5- Being open to the world around us – tolerance towards all living creatures.

6-    6- Will / through responsibilities taught at a young age – to become independent later.

7-    7- Social abilities – taking care of others, respecting, communicating.

Although these simple principles seem quite obvious, it was nice to hear the teacher talking about them out loud to all the parents and engaging everyone in an open and honest discussion.

While parents and society often criticize Waldorf schools around the world and also in Armenia, I think it is an important method and approach to develop young ones to become responsible human beings. For a country, like ours where the need is greater, this is a sure way of developing future civil society and prepare aware citizens for a better democracy.

Story time - 2nd grade

The meetings usually last an hour and half and I leave the school happy, content and even more confident that this is the best environment where my kids could blossom.

Armenia in my kids

I was being lazy lately and not writing much on my blog. The holidays came by and passed so quickly. I had planned a list of things to do, to write, to prepare for the New Year and did so little actually.

I started my 7^th year in Armenia and I just noticed that my moving here and transition from the life I had in Canada to the Armenian one is so clearly embedded in my children’s different personalities.

Amassia is my Canada; she was almost 3 when we left. I was a very paranoid mom at that time and while learning the joys and pains of motherhood, I was finishing my master’s degree in Montreal. Since the North American society teaches you that every stranger that approaches your kid might want to harm him/her or the kindergarten teacher could be a pedophile, it was very difficult not to teach her from a young age to stay away from strangers or to not accept candies and to always stay beside mom or dad whenever outside. Today, she is the careful one, always watching people closely, noticing things, not smiling to strangers on the street greeting her (very common in Armenia), never accepting candies, always seeing that I am there, close in case she needs something.

She is also the one that worries about the environment a lot, gets angry when sees a broken tree, hates to see the garbage on the street and always thinking of ways to change that. Even lately, I saw her preparing recycling bags for paper and plastic and asking everyone (insisting) to use it.  She finds Armenia too dirty, too racist and sometimes boring.

Varanta is my transition period; she was 8 months old when we arrived. I think at that time I was the only mom breastfeeding in public, almost everywhere. I was even once asked at a children’s indoor playground to go to the kitchen to breastfeed. Which of course I refused to do! And had a huge argument with the psychologist on why I chose to breastfeed there where my other child was playing…but that’s a whole other story.

Varanta eats only spass(Armenian yogut soup), borsht and vermicelle and loves khachapuri, galbass (processed meat) and cheese.  She calls everyone “guyrik” and “aperik”. She is friendly with almost everyone and when she gets angry she shouts like a crazy lady “hima tes yes inch em anelu qez! Spanelu em!”.

She finds Armenia a little dirty,  not so racist and whenever she visits her grand-parents in Montreal, she starts missing her “home” back in Armenia and she repeats: gnank tun eli! Karotel em!

Vayk is my Armenia; he was born here, in Yerevan. Everyone is for him a “morkur”, “tati”, “hopar” or “guyrik” “aperik”. He talks to everyone without fear.  He almost never speaks in western Armenian. He uses a lot of Russian words, which is a challenge when he talks to my parents over the phone. They completely lose it when he starts talking about “militsia”(police) and “samalyot”(plane) and “chelavek pawuk”(spiderman)… He enjoys simple things like a walk to the vernissage to pet the small dogs on sale, the bonchikanots for yummy Armenian donuts and the different children’s puppet shows on Sundays.

I certainly learned a lot as a mother. I did let go of some of my deepest fears. I gave more space to my children to grow.

Although bad things do happen in Armenia, but I still believe it is a healthier and happier place to raise children.

Armenian Winter for Kids (part 1)

This year, with the panic of the Swine flu, the schools closed earlier than expected in Armenia putting parents in a very stressful situation. The lucky ones had grand-parents (Tatiks mostly) who took care of the kids while parents continued their work. Others tried to find last minute baby-sitters to replace the school hours. And the government, like other social issues, did not even attempt to present solutions for families struggling between career and family while having kids earlier than expected at home.

In our home, since we don’t have any relatives living in Armenia, we tried to rearrange our work schedule with our very dedicated babysitter and were able to continue our work while having the kids at home.

The challenge was to keep those 3 active and full of energy children busy during the day. And to do that during wintertime in Armenia is a little harder than during the summer season where you can find nice parks and outdoor play areas to visit.

So during this holiday season, I decided to post some of the child-friendly areas you can visit and entertain your kids during the winter season, all of them tested by my children (4, 7, 9 yr)

Konus Craft Center: Open everyday and has 2 locations; one on Vardanants street, the other inside the children’s library Khnko Aber on Teryan street.

The center offers a variety of good quality handicrafts easy to make for children between the age of 3 and up to 10.  You can drop buy with your kids and choose what you like to do (sculpture with modeling clay, glass painting…) from the shop and then you go to the handicrafts area with tables and chairs and they can start working with the help of one educator.  My children really liked it there, the crafts and products are easy to handle and very colorful. The place is also very friendly and safe. You can either sit/wait for them to finish or you can leave them with the educator and the group and come back after an hour or two. At the end your child can bring home her/his own creation. You can also buy some materials to take home with you and work with your kids. The material is a little more expensive than the usual but worth it for its good quality and safety.

Cost: 800 Drams per 45 min per child + the material (another 500-1000 Drams) approximately 5-10 USD per child per session

Info: Hanrapedutyun street 62/68A, phone: 010 52 71 75, 54 83 67

Challenges: sometimes the educator will push the kid to do “nice” things to have a nice creation at the end. You can tell him/her from the beginning that you don’t care about the end product and that it is important for you that your child enjoys her time and creates freely.

The Waldorf school experience in Armenia

When I moved to Armenia in 2003, my daughters were very young and schooling was something that I was thinking about endlessly.

I am known to be a slightly paranoid mother and choosing a school or a kindergarten was a major concern for me, specially here.

The process started by long visits to almost more than 10-12 schools and kindergartens in the city center, not too far from the area where we were living.  With each school I visited my hopes were getting lower and lower. The education system in Armenia needs a good reform but the government seems to move very slowly in this area. Teachers needed to be re-licensed, trained…the situation was almost catastrophic.  In some schools, the old dirty walls, the sad classrooms and not very hygienic toilets gave the impression that not a lot of work was done since soviet times.  What bothered me the most was the way teachers and educators were talking to the children, sometimes calling them names, shouting a lot, punishing by scaring them…not a very pedagogical approach to education. In most of the places I visited at that time (2003-2005) I was greeted by unhappy, tired teachers with a huge lack of energy and motivation.

I almost opted for homeschooling, when I heard about “Areknazan” school from one of my acquaintances. This was a Waldorf/Steiner school. I couldn’t believe it at first. I was a big fan of the Waldorf approach when I was in Canada and knowing that there was one in Armenia working since the mid 90s, made me jump of joy!

Today my two girls are going to this alternative school and are so happy. I remember when we visited the first time; clean, bright, colorful walls, teachers smiling, children relaxed, art work everywhere…it was amazing. The environment is full of positive energy. The children acting more natural, running everywhere, creating, singing. Now I am not saying everything is perfect, it has its challenging sides too, but the positive effects are much bigger.

The children learn with respect to their natural rhythms; they are prepared for the real life and taught concrete techniques (knitting, crochet, building, working the land..) as part of their curriculum. The languages are Armenian, Russian, German and English. They don’t have textbooks, they create their own, they use natural materials (cotton wood…) no synthetic things. Children with learning disabilities or attention deficit are also accepted in the regular classrooms (inclusive education). My daughter has a classmate who is autistic and one who has ADHD and they seem to adapt very well to the rhythm of the class. And the other children learn on how to take care of them and be tolerant. Imagination and creativity is at the core of the program. And most importantly, parents are very much involved in everything.

When you search on the Internet on Waldorf schools, you will find lots of mixed opinions. I believe the approach is great for children and it also depends a lot from the teachers and the school administration. Some parents don’t feel comfortable with the spiritual part. I think as every other school, you should monitor your child closely, talk to them and see how they feel, in order to understand if everything is going well.

For us Areknazan/Waldorf school of Armenia was a blessing and made schooling a very positive and joyful experience for the whole family.

The school is situated on Saryan street near the Post office.

Cost: 25 000 DRAM per month per child (aprox. 70 USD)

Schedule: 8:30-2pm and they have child care service for working parents until 6.30pm – open from Monday to Friday.

They also have extracurricular activities: piano, violin, dance